The First Art? Open almost any book on theatre history, and you’ll find the romantic theory that the origins of theatrical performance lie in rituals. Most of the field still seems to support this stance, backed up by modern observations from history, anthropology and ethnography. Whether the blame for Greek tragedy is put on the ecstatic rites of Dionysus or sombre worship of dead chieftains2 matters little. The gist is that it looks bloody likely that stage theatre arose from practices where no clear distinction can be made between performer and spectator; from processions, magic rites, feasts and initiations. One of the earliest written records of dramatic performance is a sketchy description by I-kher-nefert of his participation in the great passion play to the glory of dismembered Osiris at the cult-centre at Abydos somewhere around 1800BC. This guy was the chief treasurer of Khekure, 2 As claimed in Ridgeway 1915. 50 the Pharaoh known to history as Senusret III. He did pretty much the kind of job a megalomaniac larp organiser would do with a few thousand slaves and unlimited resources, instead of a guy with a van and a loan from the local role-playing guild. I acted as beloved son of Osiris-Khentyamentiu. I embellished his great barque of eternity; I made for it a shrine which displays the beauties of Khentyamentiu, in gold, silver, lapislazuli, bronze, sesnedjem-wood and cedar[?]. I fashioned the gods in his train. I made their shrines anew. I caused the temple priesthood to do their duties, I caused them to know the custom of every day, the festival of the Head-of-the-Year. (Breasted, Henry James 1907) From the sound of I-Kher-Nefert’s report he had a busy game at the absolute centre of the plot. On his stele is written: I organised the going forth of Wepwawet when he proceeded to avenge his father; I drove away the rebels from the neshmet-barque; I overthrew the enemies of Osiris; I celebrated the great going forth. I followed the god at his going, and caused the ship to sail, Thoth steering the sailing. […] I avenged Wennefer that day of the great fight; I overthrew all his enemies upon the sandbanks of Nedyt; I caused him to proceed into the great barque. It raised up his beauties, I making glad the people/tomb owners of the Eastern Desert, creating joy amongst the people/tomb owners of the Western Desert; they saw the beauties of the neshmet-barque when it touched land at Abydos, when it brought Osiris-Khentyamentiu to his palace; I followed the god to his house, I carried out his purification and extended his seat and solved the problems of his residence [...and amongst] his entourage. (ibid) We have no real way of knowing exactly how pre-scripted these ritual plays were. Our scant sources hint that they were set up a bit like a mix between Hamlet and Futuredrome, with a scripted core cast at the centre of a violently ecstatic crowd. Herodotos, in his Histories1 , tells us most of what we know about the game at Abydos, a weeklong affair re-enacting the battle between Osiris and Seth. The Pharaoh and a statue acted as the hero-god, and it is likely that it was not seen as pretence or art when he rode his gilded divine wagon through the streets followed by thousands of common citizens who took an active part in the action as the armies and feasting worshippers of the conflicting forces. The Greek historian reports with some horror the battles were being fought on the stairs to the temple. The few then who have been left about the image, draw a wain with four wheels, which bears the shrine and the image that is within the shrine, and the other priests standing in the gateway try to prevent it from entering, and the men who are under a vow come to the assistance of the god and strike them, while the others defend themselves. Then there comes to be a hard fight with staves, and they break one another’s heads, and I am of opinion that many even die of the wounds they receive; the Egyptians however told me that no one died. (Herodotos [2001]) The roots of the senseless boffer-war climax run deep indeed. The game must be considered quite hard core, not only for the heavy blunt-weapon fighting – the game ended with the Osiris-pharaoh slaying a live hippopotamus acting the part of Seth and a feast of hippo-cake and copious amounts of beer.