Svarte Faraonen
Sumer is icumen in
Som vi alla vet finns det tillfällen då våra spelare inte riktigt fungerar som de ska, irriterar oss eller beter sig rent ut sagt underligt. Allt detta bleknar dock inför Al Bruno III:s fruktansvärda spelmöten (längst ner på sidan "Rants and Reviews"). Enligt honom själv inspirerade av sanna händelser och personer (även om allt inte nödvändigtvis hände på samma gång) och fruktansvärda i sin beskrivning av exakt hur depraverade de värsta delarna av vår hobby kan bli. Som ett exempel på den rent bisarra ordväxlingen kan detta ges:
Psycho Dave: "A hush passes over the room as Master Yoda enters. The small diminutive figure clears his throat before beginning to speak."
Weasly Crusher: "Wow."
Me: "I'm impressed."
Deviant Boy: "This may be the coolest game ever."
Psycho Dave: "Master Yoda surveys you and then he begins to speak. 'I AM JEDI MASTER YODA, YOUR SENIOR JEDI INSTRUCTOR. FROM NOW ON YOU WILL SPEAK ONLY WHEN SPOKEN TO, AND THE FIRST AND LAST WORDS OUT OF YOUR FILTHY GARBAGE CHUTES WILL BE MASTER! DO YOU SPACE MAGGOTS UNDERSTAND THAT?'"
All of us: "Master, yes Master!"
Psycho Dave: "'SHAZBOT! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SOUND OFF LIKE YOU GOT A PAIR!'"
Asenath: "Uhmmm..."
Everyone Else: "Master yes master!"
Psycho Dave: "IF YOU NON-JEDI SCUM LEAVE MY PLANET, IF YOU SURVIVE RECRUIT TRAINING... YOU WILL BE A WEAPON, YOU WILL BE A PEACE LOVING MINSTER OF DEATH PRAYING FOR WAR. BUT UNTIL THAT DAY YOU ARE PUKES! YOU ARE THE LOWEST FORM OF LIFE. YOU ARE NOT EVEN SENTIENT LIFE. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT UNORGANIZED GRABASSTIC PIECES OF AMPHIBIAN SHIT! AND I SHOULD KNOW I AM AMPHIBIOUS! BECAUSE I AM HARD YOU WILL NOT LIKE ME. BUT JEDI DO NOT HATE SO I MUST BEAT THE TRANQUILITY OF THE LIGHT SIDE OF THE FORCE INTO YOU! DO YOU SPACE MAGGOTS UNDERSTAND THAT?'"
All of us: "Master Yes Master."
Psycho Dave: "Yoda walks up to Blobert's character. What does he look like?"
Blobert Smith: "My character looks like a long haired albino painted by Michael Whelan. His name is Fauntleroy Jones.... Ya'all."
Psycho Dave: "'BANTHACOOKIES! FROM NOW ON YOUR NAME IS APPRENTICE SQUARENUTS! YOU LIKE THAT NAME.'"
Blobert Smith: "It doesn't really have the resonance I was looking for... ya'all."
Deviant Boy: "What's with the Southern accent?"
Blobert Smith: "My character is from the southern half of the galaxy."
Psycho Dave: "CLOSE YOUR SHAFTS!"
Me: "Are you sure Yoda would act like this?"
Psycho Dave: "Master Yoda force chokes your character until he blacks out."
Och detta är inte det värsta. Enda problemet är att sidan ser ut som skit, men om ögonen blöder får man väl klistra in texten någon annanstans. När man har läst dessa historier är man fullt benägen att aldrig mer klaga över när ens egna spelare, vars värsta försyndelser ju sällan övergår att välta läsk på rollformulären eller envisas med att spela kraggbarbar.
Psycho Dave: "A hush passes over the room as Master Yoda enters. The small diminutive figure clears his throat before beginning to speak."
Weasly Crusher: "Wow."
Me: "I'm impressed."
Deviant Boy: "This may be the coolest game ever."
Psycho Dave: "Master Yoda surveys you and then he begins to speak. 'I AM JEDI MASTER YODA, YOUR SENIOR JEDI INSTRUCTOR. FROM NOW ON YOU WILL SPEAK ONLY WHEN SPOKEN TO, AND THE FIRST AND LAST WORDS OUT OF YOUR FILTHY GARBAGE CHUTES WILL BE MASTER! DO YOU SPACE MAGGOTS UNDERSTAND THAT?'"
All of us: "Master, yes Master!"
Psycho Dave: "'SHAZBOT! I CAN'T HEAR YOU! SOUND OFF LIKE YOU GOT A PAIR!'"
Asenath: "Uhmmm..."
Everyone Else: "Master yes master!"
Psycho Dave: "IF YOU NON-JEDI SCUM LEAVE MY PLANET, IF YOU SURVIVE RECRUIT TRAINING... YOU WILL BE A WEAPON, YOU WILL BE A PEACE LOVING MINSTER OF DEATH PRAYING FOR WAR. BUT UNTIL THAT DAY YOU ARE PUKES! YOU ARE THE LOWEST FORM OF LIFE. YOU ARE NOT EVEN SENTIENT LIFE. YOU ARE NOTHING BUT UNORGANIZED GRABASSTIC PIECES OF AMPHIBIAN SHIT! AND I SHOULD KNOW I AM AMPHIBIOUS! BECAUSE I AM HARD YOU WILL NOT LIKE ME. BUT JEDI DO NOT HATE SO I MUST BEAT THE TRANQUILITY OF THE LIGHT SIDE OF THE FORCE INTO YOU! DO YOU SPACE MAGGOTS UNDERSTAND THAT?'"
All of us: "Master Yes Master."
Psycho Dave: "Yoda walks up to Blobert's character. What does he look like?"
Blobert Smith: "My character looks like a long haired albino painted by Michael Whelan. His name is Fauntleroy Jones.... Ya'all."
Psycho Dave: "'BANTHACOOKIES! FROM NOW ON YOUR NAME IS APPRENTICE SQUARENUTS! YOU LIKE THAT NAME.'"
Blobert Smith: "It doesn't really have the resonance I was looking for... ya'all."
Deviant Boy: "What's with the Southern accent?"
Blobert Smith: "My character is from the southern half of the galaxy."
Psycho Dave: "CLOSE YOUR SHAFTS!"
Me: "Are you sure Yoda would act like this?"
Psycho Dave: "Master Yoda force chokes your character until he blacks out."
Och detta är inte det värsta. Enda problemet är att sidan ser ut som skit, men om ögonen blöder får man väl klistra in texten någon annanstans. När man har läst dessa historier är man fullt benägen att aldrig mer klaga över när ens egna spelare, vars värsta försyndelser ju sällan övergår att välta läsk på rollformulären eller envisas med att spela kraggbarbar.
Fast det var ju lite synd att han betedde sig så där när man vill spela seriöst(?)
